


Dreaming of a Lost Memory

by Scribomaniac



Series: Broken Bridges [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dreams, F/M, Gen, Memories, Mucho Angst, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, later though, maybe some fluff, ugh i suck at tagging, unlocked memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:03:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribomaniac/pseuds/Scribomaniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey's new mission has only just begun.  She's located Luke Skywalker--the Luke Skywalker--on Ahch-To, but so far has had zero success in convincing him to return to the Rebel Base with her.  She'll wait, though.  She's used to waiting.  So much so that her past has finally decided to catch up to her.  Visions and locked away emotions begin to resurface and what Rey at first assumes is a dream may not be a dream at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a Dream or Something More?

Ahch-To was nothing like anything Rey had ever seen before. When Rey had landed on Takodana, she'd almost wept at how green it was. The lush forests ran on far beyond her eyes could see and a part of her wished she had never left that planet. Jakku, by contrast, was a barren wasteland where life forms went to wither away. The only pull Rey had to the planet was the hope that her family would one day return to claim her. But with the events of Starkiller Base and Finn and the Resistance, Rey knew her place was no longer on the desert planet. No, she was right where she belonged, on Ahch-To trying to convince Luke Skywalker— _the_ Luke Skywalker—that he should return with her and rejoin the fight against the First Order.

The living legend that was the Jedi Master was currently sulking in his small hut of a home, trying to avoid Rey and the responsibilities she represented, giving her plenty of time to appreciate this planet made almost entirely of water. She stood off on the side of a cliff, appreciating the way the sea breezed against her face and throughout the knots in her hair, and watched the waves raise and crash against the shore. It was calming, the sea. It reminded Rey of a not too distant memory that fluttered against the edge of her psyche. No other information ever accompanied the vision of the oceans she dreamed of, but Rey was still glad for the feeling of safety and comfort that accompanied them.

Closing her eyes and letting out a sigh, she tried to empty her mind and relax her muscles. After everything that had happened the past week—finding BB-8, Finn, losing Han and fighting Kylo Ren—Rey had hoped this one task of finding and bringing home the Jedi Master would be easy. She had no such luck, however. The Universe— _the Force_ —whatever it was, refused to give her a break. Luke, upon seeing her, turned whiter than any hologram and looked as scared as a trapped Ewok. All she did was try to hand him his lightsaber, but the man refused to take it. He refused to come back to base with her. He practically refused to even _look_ at her! Rey's temper had flared and she'd been tempted to smack him upside the head with her quarterstaff, but she'd held herself in check—barely—and told him as calmly as she could, that she would not be leaving until he changed his mind. He'd promptly stalked off to his hut with a dramatic flare of his robes and hadn't popped out since, but Rey didn't care. He could stay in his hut for a month and she'd still be waiting for him. And with a view like this, Rey wasn't going to get bored any time soon.

“ _Come on, Rey! Let's climb the trees today. How does that sound?_ ” Rey's eyes snapped open and she turned her head left and right, trying to find the source of the voice. No one was near her, though. Luke was still hiding away and there was no one else on the island that spoke English. Pressing a hand to her forehead, she gently shook her head, trying to shake off the strange feeling that washed over her body after hearing the voice. Deciding she was exhausted—and she had the right to be, after all, seeing as how she hadn't had a proper night's sleep since meeting Finn—Rey walked back towards the Falcon for some much needed shut eye. Luke wouldn't abscond in the night. He would keep until morning, when Rey would try for round two.

* * *

 

Snuggling deep into one of the Falcon's cots, Rey felt her eyes droop and drip. As her eyelids fluttered to a close, the details of her room aboard the Falcon faded away. Brows furrowing, Rey blinked again and startled up into a sitting position with a small gasp. She was no longer lying down on a cot inside a metal ship. Instead of looking around and seeing details from the Millennium Falcon, Rey found herself standing in the middle of an open field. The sky was a soft purple, dotted with fluffy pink clouds drifting in the wind. Off in the horizon, Rey saw an almost never ending forest of lush, green trees leading up to a boarder of majestic mountains. Behind her stood a building, with dozens of broken stones that made up stairs leading up to it. A young girl with dark brown hair styled similarly to her own sat on one of the steps,watching a trail on ants march into the grass. Rey's body buzzed with a sense of comfort and belonging she'd never known before. This place . . . she didn't recognize it, or anything about it, but something deep within her belly told her she was safe here. That she could call this place home.

“ _Rey!_ ” A young boy with dark, curly hair called out to her from across the field. His presence brought a sense of familiarity for Rey, even though his face was a blank slate, whipped clean of all details one would use to identify another being. Still, he ignited a small, but bright, beacon of happiness within the center of her chest. The young girl behind Rey looked up, and Rey noticed her face was also wiped clean of any real detail. The young girl smiled broadly to the boy and wasted no time in leaping up and running over to him. The boy's face lit up as well and he threw open his arms so she could jump into his embrace and spin the two of the around.

“ _Ben!_ ” She cried out with laughter as the two children fell to the ground once dizziness overcame the boy. “ _You're back!_ ” She smiled wider than Rey had ever seen a child do. “ _When did you get back? You were gone for a long time,_ ” she feigned a pout and gently punched his shoulder, “ _did you miss me?_ ”

“ _Of course I missed you,_ ” he tapped her nose playfully. “ _We would've been home sooner, but Master Luke likes to take his time,_ ” the boy rolled his eyes. “ _Did you miss me?_ ”

“ _Nope!_ ” She teased, turning her nose up at him. “ _Not even a little bit!_ ”

“ _Oh, you wound me!_ ” Ben reared back and clutched the fabric over his heart. “ _My heart—oh, my poor heart! I cannot go on!_ ” He shouted, drawing amused stares from the few people milling about the courtyard.

The young girl giggled and pushed his chest with both her hands. “ _You're silly,_ ” she told him.

Sobering up, Ben hummed and sat up, “ _Gotta be if I want to see that pretty smile of yours,_ ” he flicked her cheek, making her laugh all over again. “ _There it is. My own little ray of sunshine._ ” Standing up, he reached down and lifted her up onto her feet.

He stepped away, planning on brushing off some of the dirt he'd gotten on his clothes when she flung herself forward and threw her arms around his torso. “ _I did miss you, Ben,_ ” she admitted seriously. “ _You know that, right?_ ” Rey watched as the boy smiled tenderly down at the girl and almost felt the need to look away, feeling as if she was intruding on their moment somehow. There was something deeper going on here, something more than just a few reassuring words being passed between two children.

“ _Yeah, Rey, I know._ ” Ben responded. “ _Now,_ c _ome on, Rey!_ ” His eyes twinkled with mischief as he placed his hands on her small shoulders and excitedly shook her frame. _“Let's climb the trees today. How does that sound?_ ”

Perking up and losing the serious tone she had just a moment ago, the young girl beamed up at him and began to bounce on the balls of her feet, “ _Yes, yes, yes! Can we try to really tall ones today?_ ”

“ _Only if you don't tell Master Luke,_ ” Ben told her seriously.

“ _Okay!_ ” She nodded multiple times, “ _It'll be a secret!_ ”

Smiling, Ben nodded in agreeance, “ _Yeah, our secret._ ”

 

* * *

 

Eyelids fluttering open, Rey groaned when she saw the light seeping into the Falcon's windows and realized it was morning already. Late morning by the looks of it. Sitting up on the cot, she stretched her arms above her head and yawned, trying to remember the dream she had last night. It was . . . strange. She thought she dreamt of herself, only younger, and there was a boy . . . but she couldn;t remember his name. Rey could remember almost everything that was said during the dream, but not his name, even though she was sure it was said. His face was blurred, she remembered that, and that they were friends, but beyond that, though, everything turned fuzzy. Furrowing her brow, Rey tried to regain more of the dream's details, but after a few moments realized the more she tried to remember them, the farther they slipped away. Realizing it was a lost cause, Rey settled back into the cot, deciding to spend a few more moments in bed. Her chest felt light and full of air. Her muscles, which were usually coiled tight with tension, hummed with warm electricity that made her toes curl beneath her blanket. And a small, easy smile flitted onto her lips as she reveled in the after effects of her dream.

 

 


	2. Through Time All Things Become Clearer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rey's training continues with Luke on Ahch-To, so do her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who left a comment or kudos!

Two days passed since Rey's first night on Ahch-To, since the night her dreams began, and although Luke hadn't agreed to come back and join the Resistance, he had agreed to train her. Everyday, from sun up to sun set, Rey trained under Luke. She had assumed that he would have taught her how to properly wield a lightsaber or the ways of the Force, but so far the only time she got to hold the lightsaber was to deflect low level blaster shots with her eyes closed, and the only time Luke spoke of the Force was before meditation. The rest of their time was spent running up and down the stony ruins that decorated the island to build up her endurance. At one point Luke joked that she should probably perform the task while carrying him on her back . . . or, at least, she thought he was joking. It was hard to tell with Master Luke sometimes.

She didn't mind the training, though. Sure, she was a little disappointed they wouldn't be training with lightsabers for a while, but she knew it'd come eventually. And she didn't want to seem rude or too presumptuous, either. Luke had barely agreed to training her, she didn't want to make him regret it. So similarly to her days on Jakku, she grit her teeth and bared the tasks set before her. At least Ahch-To's atmosphere provided more protection from the sun than Jakku's. Her skin was safe from burning and there was never a need to ration water thanks to all the rainfall. Her muscles, though toned and strong from years of scavenging, were always tender and lethargic at the days end, which helped ease her into peaceful sleeps the past few nights. She always tried to meditate before sleeping, Master Luke advised her to, after all, but always just as she felt her mind relax and begin to tap into the Force, she'd fall asleep.

This night wasn't any different than its predecessors.

_Lights, electric and neon, blinked in and out of focus in the black night's sky. Hoping. Searching. The moon steadily climbed through the sky, grabbing onto one star then moving on to the next. After the moon passed, the stars would twinkle and shine brighter than before, ecstatic at the attention they'd received. Nothing was out of place and everything was at peace. The moon was about to pass over the smallest of the stars, a three pronged thing, when one of the brightest and oldest of the stars began to burn hotter. Hotter than ever before. The moon saw, but could do nothing but watch as the star fizzled and grew larger and faster than anything ever had. The star, once a constant in the night's sky, turned into a shooting star and fell down, down, down, towards the horizon. A blinding, flaring light sparked as the shooting star met with the edge of the sky and the burning light of the sun began to rise—unwanted by all in the sky—towards them. The other stars tried to stay alight against the sun's harsh rays, but one by one they all went out. All, that is, except the smallest. For the moon, knowing that the sun would bring an end to the peaceful night, moved in front of the three pronged star, eclipsing it from the sun's ever searing gaze._

Eyes blinking open, Rey stretched out her muscles and stared at the ceiling of her room and thought of the stars she had seen in the sky the night before. Three prongs . . . was there even such a thing as a three pronged star? She wondered, but had never seen one before herself. Then again, she mused as she rolled out of bed, it was a dream, and dreams rarely ever made sense.

 

Nights later, after a particularly hard training session—turned out Master Luke _hadn't_ been joking about carrying him on her back—Rey trudged back to her room on the Millennium Falcon. It had begun to rain on her during the journey, but she paid it no mind. Discarding her wet clothing with a sigh, Rey flopped down onto her cot and let herself fall into the dark abyss of sleep.

_Sand, rough, coarse, irritating sand. It was everywhere. Nowhere was safe. Tongues were muted as sand slipped into the cracks of teeth and down the esophagus. Gagging. Gagging and choking as people tried to dislodge the sand. Eyes were blinded as it clumped together in the lashes of men and women alike. No matter how much water was added, no matter how hard people rubbed, the sand would not dissipate. After a while it seemed that their eyes even cried sand. Rey couldn't breath. Sand had clogged her nostrils, cutting off her breathing. Asphyxiating her. She clawed and clawed but nothing but more sand tore away. She didn't know how to escape the stuff. It was everywhere._

_“You need a teacher!” A voice called desperately from far off. Rey couldn't focus on it. Only on the sand. Her hand grasped at her neck, trying desperately to somehow force air into her lungs. “I can show you!” The voice continued. It angered Rey. Couldn't whoever it was see she was choking? That she was_ dying _? Didn't they care? “I can show you the ways of the sand!”_

Rey's gasp echoed throughout the metal walls of the ship. Panting heavily, she clutched at her chest. She could breathe. She wasn't drowning in sand. She could breathe. Closing her eyes, Rey focused on regulating her breathing. Once she had done that, she laid back down on the cot, but didn't go back to sleep immediately. Instead she listened to the storm raging above her. The furious pitter patter of raindrops on the ship's exterior drummed serenity into her very core. The dream disturbed her. The sand on Jakku had always bothered her. It was inescapable and horrible. Swallowing loudly, she distantly recalled something else about the dream. A voice. It was . . . familiar. But it also felt wrong. Or, at least, not right. She couldn't put her finger on it, exactly, but she also didn't want to think too hard on the matter. It was, after all, just a dream. A bad one at that. She had no desire to contemplate its hidden meaning—if there even was one—now that she was blessfully awake.

 

The next night, Rey warily walked to her cot, thinking about last night's nightmare. She did not want a repeat performance so instead of going straight to sleep like she usually did, Rey closed her eyes and meditated. It seemed to work. Rey felt a small buzz spark throughout her body and the tightness in her chest lessened as any sense of fear for sleep peeled from her like dead skin. Security took its place, and lulled her in like a siren to a sailor.

_“That's it, Rey,” His voice ghosted against her psyche as He tried to coach her. It was calm and soothing, so unlike His actual voice which was deep and rough with age. She turned to look at Him but had to shield her eyes. Looking at Him was like looking at the sun. It made her eyes water and her brain hurt. Turning away she looked over at her task. She was lifting a large boulder and placing it on the top of a hill just with her mind. “Remember, trust in the Force.”_

_She did. She didn't know why, but she did. Letting out a deep breath, she closed her eyes and tapped into the space tucked in the back of her mind that hummed and buzzed with energy. It sprung to life easily, reaching out to her surroundings and grabbing onto the boulder for her. Another breath and the boulder was halfway up the hill. A bead of sweat rolled down her temple, leaving a small tickle in its wake, and distracted her from her task. The boulder crashed down to the ground and He sighed. It was a good sigh, though. He'd been holding His breath with anticipation. “Good job, Rey. You moved the boulder higher than yesterday. Maybe tomorrow you'll be able to reach the very top of the hill.”_

_“Yes, father.”_

Sunlight snuck in between the cracks of her eyelids, waking Rey from her slumber. Yawning, she stretched and sat up. She realized with a small smile that she'd just had one of the best sleeps of her life and decided to mediate every night before she went to sleep from there on out.

A full two weeks after her arrival on the watery planet, and Rey had dreamed dream after dream, night after night. Rarely did she lose sleep over it, like the night she dreamed of the sand. Most of the dreams were fun, though. They told her stories of the skies of the creatures in the sea. Some even gave her small glimpses into her past—not that she could remember much details from those dreams come morning. She wondered if the storied she dreamed up had been told to her before by her those who'd loved her. It was wishful thinking, she knew, but couldn't—and wouldn't—help it. The idea filled her with a sense of family. A sense of familiarity.

Looking out at the ocean, Rey sat cross-legged on the stony beach trying to calm her mind into a meditative state. She'd been getting better with practice. It took her almost no time at all anymore to slip into the proper mentality. Still, Rey meditated mostly before sleeping, when her mind was worn out and tired. She hadn't properly tried meditating mid day before. Master Luke scolded her for it, saying that was no way to properly train.

Filling her lungs with air, and then slowly releasing the breath, she closed her eyes and listened to her surroundings. The waves crashed again and again against the shore, salt hawks screeched as they flew in circles above her, and Chewie could be heard crying out softly as he worked on the Millennium Falcon. Focusing her attention more inwards, Rey listened to the rhythmic beating of her heart, of the steady inhale and exhale of her breaths. She felt her hair tickle the side of her face as it twisted in the wind. It was then that she found it. The small ball of energy in the back of her mind that buzzed and hummed and made her feel so at peace, so warm, so _whole_. She thought it similar to meeting an old friend again after a long period of separation. She didn't want to tap into its power just yet. She just wanted to bask in it a little while longer. It was calming and felt like a much needed sonic after a long day of scavenging.

Tranquility, as strong as the waves against the shore, washed over her. Her shoulders lowered, her brow smoothed, and her jaw slackened from loss of tension.

_“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” A voice called out in the distance. It was young and playful. Leaves rustled and shivered against each other as the owner of the voice searched the forest where Rey hid. Her hands were covering her mouth, trying to mask the loud panting noises she made. She'd ran as fast as she could, deep into the forest, trying to get as far away she could from her pursuer. Thirty seconds just wasn't enough time. “Rey!” The voice called out again, trying to goad her into replying. “Master Luke must be worried,” he continued, his voice getting louder as he came closer. “We've been gone a long time now. Look, the sun's setting.”_

_She knew his game, though. He'd keep talking until he got her to make a noise, then he'd pounce on her and claim victory. Not this time though, she wouldn't allow it. Calming her breaths, she tried to make herself as small as possible by curling up into a ball. It was a mistake, though, she'd done something to catch his keen eyes or ears and next thing she knew she was being scooped up into a pair of thin but strong arms. “Found you!” He called out triumphantly._

_“You cheated!” Rey accused baselessly. Her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “You used the Force, didn't you?”_

_He threw his head back and laughed. It was loud and caused a few birds to fly away from their perches in the trees. “I can't help it, Rey! You're like a homing beacon to me.” He admitted. He grinned at her before pressing his forehead to hers. “It's not my fault, really. Forgive me?”_

_Sighing and rolling her eyes, Rey couldn't hide a grin of her own, “Fine, I forgive you. Now put me down!” She began to struggle in his grasp._

_“No,” he told her cheekily, tightening his hold. “You're my prize!”_

_“No I'm not!”_

_“Oh yeah? Then what is my prize?”_

_“Nothing! You cheated, remember?” She stuck her tongue out at him._

_“What? Oh, that's it,” he growled in a faux threatening manner. “You're gonna get it.”_

_“Wha—no! Stop!” She cried out with laughter as his long, slender fingers dug into the spaces between her ribs and began to tickle her relentlessly. “Stop, stop!” She wiggled around as she tried to escape his reach. “Put me down, put me down! Put me down,_ Ben Solo!”

Wrenching herself from the vision, Rey fell on the flat of her back. The smooth stones dug dully into her skin and pressed against the bones of her spine. They kept her body grounded as her mind reeled from the aftershock of her vision—no, she corrected herself. Not a vision. A memory. A memory of her and Ben Solo . . . Kylo Ren. “What?” She whispered the one word—the _only_ word she was able to verbalize. Her eyes stared ahead at the cloudy sky but saw nothing. Rey's mind was going through her life—all that she remembered of it, that is—with a fine toothed comb. She thought of her dreams, and wondered if they somehow tied in with the vision.

It didn't make sense. Her mouth was dry and it made swallowing difficult. Nothing made sense. What was happening to her? A loud cry from Chewie made her blink. Then she blinked again, several times, as she brought her mind back to the present. Standing up on unsteady feet, Rey walked back up the stone steps in a daze. She didn't know where her feet were taking her, and she didn't care. Pure instinct—and a steady hum in the back of her mind—led her.

“Rey?” Luke's raspy voice broke through. “Have you finished your meditation?” Blinking slowly, Rey looked around and found herself inside Luke's dwelling. When she didn't reply, he looked more closely at his Padawan. “Rey?” He called again, now standing before her. “Are you all right?”

Hesitating for only half a moment, Rey licked her lips nervously and told him, “I've been having these dreams . . .”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/Kudos/whathaveyou are always appreciated! If anyone has any prompt I'd love to take them! (So long as it's SFW)
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long to write. It also had to go through a decent amount of editing. Dreams are hard, guys.


	3. That Little Thing Called Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd given Ben Solo hope, and no one should be denied that.

It was as easy as falling asleep sometimes, Rey thought as she took in her new austere surroundings. Meditating, reaching that higher plane Master Skywalker taught her about. Sometimes reaching it was as easy as falling asleep. Or as difficult. Sometimes taking hours to fall under its lulling spell. This time, though, this time it was easy. If Rey were thinking straight, she'd have wondered if perhaps nirvana has been _too_ easy to reach this time around. She wasn't thinking straight, though. No, her thoughts were scattered and wandering all over the place. Master Skywalker— _the_ _Luke Skywalker_ —was her father. Or, at least, the closest thing she'd ever had. She couldn't believe it, even now, even after the roaring fight they'd just had after she confronted him about it. He'd begged her to forgive him, pleaded with her to do so. And she'd left under a cloud of anger for the Millennium Falcon.

She'd tried to sleep it off, sleep off the anger and pain and pure frustration building in her chest, but oblivion would not come for her. Not while she was so hot headed. So she meditated, and now she was here. Wherever _here_ was. She looked around, but found nothing detailed enough to let her know where the Force had taken her mind. The walls were slate gray, metallic, so she was probably on a ship. There was a small bed tucked away in the corner of the room. It was meticulously made. No crease or wrinkle in the blanket or the single pillow. The word militaristic flashed through her head. On the other side of the room stood a book case filled to the brim with book and scrolls and maps in all different sorts of languages and from all across the galaxy.

She was flipping through a stack of maps—all detailing planets with desert regions—when she heard the door slide open behind her. Something snagged in her belly, something frail and thread like, frantically pulling at her and telling her to turn around. Frowning, Rey obeyed her instinct and came face to face with a man whose hair was as black as his robes, whose face, though normally so pale and cold, was flushed with a mixture of panic and excitement, whose eyes shined brighter as he took her in than any sun in the universe. “Rey,” he exhaled shakily.

“Ben,” she found herself whispering. A sharp pain shot into her brain, a lingering after effect of the mental block Luke had placed in her mind, and with it an added reminder of everything the person in front of her had done.

“Rey,” his lips stretched into a tentative, awkward looking smile. It was almost as if his muscles forgot how to form one. He began to shake. Shake so much that for a moment Rey worried his atoms would shake apart and scatter into nothingness, but then he took a steady step forward, hand reaching out to caress her face, “Rey, you remember . . .”

She took a step back.

“Rey,” he whispered her name again, almost like a prayer. His hand remained outstretched, frozen mid-air. “Rey, you remember. You remember me, don't you?” His eyes, so dark and yet so bright at the same time, begged her to say yes. Standing tall, Rey jerked her head yes. Yes, she did remember him. She remembered _everything_. There was no use lying to him about that. Releasing a strangled sob, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and trembled some more. When he opened his eyes again, he took another step towards her.

And again she backed away.

“You,” she breathed out, her face twisting into something fierce. Something more terrifying than any Rathtar. Flames of pure, justified anger burned within her veins, burning her from the inside out. She was surprised she hadn't self combusted from the heat of it. “You _rutting bastard_!” She yelled, lunging at him with her hands outstretched, her nails ready to scratch, to maim, to dig into his eye sockets and _tear_ —

She passed right through him.

Spinning on her heel, Rey stared at him wide eyed, her shock overcoming her anger—temporarily, at least. “What—?”

“You're not,” Kylo Ren began, almost brokenly now, “you're not really here. So we can't—you can't touch me.” His shoulders curved inward, as if the thought had just occurred to him as well. The brightness in his eyes flickered, threatening to go out.

Snorting, Rey made a vulgar gesture and said, “Count your blessings.” Closing her eyes, she began counting backwards in her head from one hundred, trying to pull her mind away from this place and back to her body on Ahch-To.

“No!” Kylo Ren screamed, red blotches marring his face. A thread—the thread she'd felt earlier within her belly, the one that had been so frail before and now seemed so strong, yanked her mind back into place like a snap of a whip. “You're not going anywhere!” He barred his teeth at her, his true face coming to light.

Yanking on her end of their psychic link—hard—she snarled right back and stepped up to growl into his face, “You couldn't keep me prisoner before, you think this time will be any different, Kylo Ren?”

All color seeped from his face. His muscles slackened and that light behind his eyes once again flickered as he whispered, “I can explain.”

Another sharp pain to her brain. Luke had said the exact same thing to her earlier in the day after she'd confronted him. _I can explain_. Rey snorted harshly. Sure, they could explain . . . after being backed into a corner. “I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear another lie come out of your damned mouth. You're a monster,” her voice trailed off to a deadly whisper. “You killed hundreds of innocent people, tortured thousands—and for what?”

“For you,” he immediately said, his voice as low as hers. “It was all for you.” His eyes peered into hers. Beseeching her to _believe_ him, to _forgive_ him.

Her body turned white hot with rage, “For me?” She scoffed. “What do you mean for me? I never asked for this. I never asked for _any_ of this! I didn't ask you to torture, to kill,” she paused, taking in a deep breath. “How many have you killed, Kylo Ren?” She hissed, “Do you even know? Or did you stop keeping track? It wouldn't be surprising. Why should anyone be surprised, really,” she taunted as she squared her feet before him, set back her shoulders and barred her teeth again. His breathing halted, his muscles locked into place as he awaited her next few words. “Considering you killed your own _father_.”

He reeled back as if she'd struck him. He turned away and hid his face in his hands—an act of shame or an attempt to regain control of himself, Rey wasn't sure. His body was shaking again, but not from relief, or happiness, or _whatever_ he'd been feeling earlier. This time his body shook from barely contained rage. “You _stabbed_ your family in the back! You _mutilated_ Finn! You _slaughtered_ those children at the Academy—”

“I did what I had to!” Kylo Ren screamed, his face twisting into something dark, something primal and cruel as he turned back to Rey. If they'd physically been in the same room together, his spittle would have landed on her face.

“You _tortured_ me!” She bellowed back, tears of anger and sadness filming her vision. “You tried to destroy my mind—why should I believe you?”

“I was trying to _help_ you!” He implored. “I tried to unlock your memories! If you had just _let me in—_ ”

“ _Liar_!” Her voice cracked as she yelled and curled her hands into tight fists. She could feel the bite of her nails digging into the flesh of her palms, but didn't care. Her body shook with rage, her muscles wound up tightly, wanting to lunge, to attack. To hurt him as he'd hurt her. “You were trying to get the map! That's all you cared about—” she choked on a sob and was horrified to find tears running down her face and nose, but didn't stop her verbal attack, “—your stupid vengeance. What'd he ever do to—”

“ _He took you away from me!_ ” He roared, cutting her off. His face had turned completely red and the cords in his neck strained against his skin as he tried to make her understand. He was crying, too, she realized as she took in an unsteady breath.

Silence rang throughout the room as Rey and Kylo Ren stared at each other and tried to regain their breaths, both retreating to separate corners in the room. “What?” Rey whispered, shaking her head and she processed his words.

“Luke,” Kylo Ren swallowed thickly, then released an uneven breath before averting his gaze and staring up at his ceiling. “Luke,” he began again, “feared us. He feared what we'd become together. So he took you. _He stole you_. Everything that you were—it was like you had _died_ , Rey. I couldn't find you, couldn't feel you—I didn't know what to do.” He dropped his head and returned his gaze to hers. What Rey found in his eyes wrecked her. He looked so broken. So lost. So much like that thirteen year old boy she'd found her very first day at the Academy. The link between them tugged at her.

She took a step forward.

That light in his eyes, the one that had all but died out during their fight, roared to life as he watched her approach. This time he knew better, this time he didn't reach out to her, or try to pull on their psychic link. This time he stood perfectly still, his chest barely even rising with the intake of his breath for fear of scaring her off, as he waited for her to come to him. Not for the first time during this encounter did Rey wish she could touch him. This time, though, it was not to hit or to maim, but to reach out and feel him. To feel that this person in front of her was real and human. To make certain that the young, wonderful boy she had known as a child was still inside of him somewhere.

She reached out a hand, slowly and with a slight tremor, and reached out to stroke his cheek, but quickly remembered herself and pulled back. His eyes clamped shut as he waited for the touch that would never come. “Rey,” he whispered. It was such a broken sound. It's edges cutting every inch of her soul. “Please.” He opened his eyes.

She took a step back.

Kylo Ren's brows furrowed as he watched her continue to back away from him. She cradled her hand—the one that'd almost touched him—to her chest and slowly shook her head. Rey's mind felt like it might split open from all the memories and thoughts whirling through her mind. Old memories of her and Ben playing together in forests and streams, training together in the Academy, laughing around food while surrounded by friends and family—all that clashed with the man she saw before her. Not Ben Solo, but Kylo Ren. A man who almost killed Finn, her most precious friend. A man who killed Han Solo—his own _father_ and someone who she almost considered the same. A man who'd slaughtered hundreds without second thought and would most likely continue to do so under the banner of the First Order. For her, he claimed. All for her. How many more lives would he destroy in her name, she wondered.

“I can't forgive you,” she said with a steady voice. Her eyes began to blur again, but she stayed strong. “I cannot forgive you, Kylo Ren.” The room around her began to fade, her backwards countdown almost complete. She saw comprehension and horror dawn on his face, felt the tug on their link and pushed it away. His head dropped in desolate resignation. He knew he couldn't force her to stay. She was almost gone now. She could feel her hands, her toes, her lungs as she took in deep, even breaths.

“But,” she continued, watching as his head snapped up and their eyes met. Though her vision began to fade, her voice stayed strong, “Ben Solo . . . I might be able to forgive him.”

She blinked and found herself back on the Millennium Falcon. Rolling her neck, trying to ease the knots, she thought about what she had just done. She thought about what Luke would do if he knew. Maybe he'd try to lock her mind away again, maybe not. But, she decided as she looked up to the ceiling, she'd given Ben Solo hope, and no one should be denied that.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The long awaited reunion! This chapter is so angsty and I love it so much. I'm not sure where I'll take this story next, or if I'll continue at all but who cares--they've reunited! 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment/kudos/whatever and let me know what you thought.

**Author's Note:**

> So I've gotten back on the Star Wars kick and decided to make this piece. It'll be 3 chapters, I think, maybe one or two more. All in Rey's POV. 
> 
> Please comment or leave a kudos! I always appreciate feedback so that would be excellent :) and if anyone ever wants a prompt written for them, I'm your gal!


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